Rough Draft of Chapter 1
Chapter 1
Shards of rock slice my skin as the ground beneath my feet splits open. Cobblestone crumbles away at each desperate grasp for the ledge, taking my pack into the abyss first. Each brick I grab gives way to the ever widening hole. Pulling one brick frees two more, pulling me into jaws of darkness. Looking around the empty alleyway, I can’t help but laugh as the final stone’s fall away. This is what you get for hiding so well. “Aw nu-”
My stomach flies up into my throat as the afternoon sun is replaced by with shadow. The light above quickly narrows to a mere dot as rushing air around me swiftly shift to air racing out of my lungs. The impact comes like a crack of lighting, sharp and fast, sending a prickling wave of pain through the tips of my fingers. The waves of pain rolling through my body like waves on a beach.
I laid there for what seemed like hours as I sent signals to the rest of my body to move. The hole that I had fallen from, along with it’s precious light, faded from my eyes. Please, willing anything in me to move, it’d be pretty dumb dying in hole like this. It was like a gate split open with a battering ram and feeling returned.
It was the smooth stone beneath my hands that I felt first, followed by the cold air upon my skin. Each limb felt like it was submerged in honey as I rolled myself over and pushed myself to my knees. Joints popped, ribs crackle, and my body felt like it was going to be sickly shade of green and yellow for weeks to come. “Oh,” grunting out the words in a laugh, pushing from the ground to my feet, “that hurt.”
The words continue to echo around me as I shuffle around, letting my feet search for my missing pack. Light first, then escape. My search is rewarded with my boot catching a raised edge, and sending my already aching body into a set of rising stone edges. The crashing waves return with pain creating new rivers of agony in my bones. “This,” I say raising my voice, “would be easier if I had some light.” Laying there, I let my words echo in what I now assume must be a cavern.
As the pain begins to subside, the sound continues to dance around the room, taking my words and passing them to each wall that it meets. Words were abandoned with every passing echo, leaving behind only one word in its voice. The choir of voices distorted the word, as if each voice longed to bring it to life. It danced around the darkness, stirring the air with currents of distorted voices all crying out.
Then silence. The echoed died like a thunderstorm that ends just as quickly as they appear. Leaving me in the ever permeating darkness without the one thing that I needed most. Without the word that the choir of voices were just crying out for.
Light.
The words pierced the stillness of the room, and the darkness trembled. It retreated as a small golden flame flared to life, igniting the ground, no, stairs that I tripped on. The flame circled my head several times before floating up the stone steps. I guess it wants me to follow it? And follow it I do, with every muscle in my body screaming at me to go back to laying down.
It doesn’t move fast, the little light keeping itself a few feet ahead of me. The light it radiates reflects off ornate mirrors that have been carefully laid throughout the stone steps. Each mirror touched by the light refracts it off towards another mirror. My eyes chase each beam of light as they begin to light up the ancient structure. This kinda looks like the ziggurats in the Vosa Empire.
As we climb the structure, more lights dance up the structure, lighting up the cracked landings and crumbled columns of ancient ruins. I tried to count how many landings there were, but with each new mirror graced by light another that we had left behind would fall dark. It was at the peak of the monument, with light glittering like an orb around it, stood a monolith like I had ever seen before. This has to be a Togarian Temple. Columns lined the walkway, leading all towards an entrance at the foot of the Milky white stone at the end.
The little flame moved down the path, and I followed it. It’s light now warm as I draw nearer to it. “So what are you?” Raising a finger I try and poke it, but it zips forward just out of my reach. I try once more and again it darts away. “Please,” as I begin my attempts to touch the little flame, “I just want to know.” So with every step towards the ever growing monolith, I chased the light. It was a dance I anticipated its movements only to be surprised when it moved in a new direction. When It soared up, I chased it back down with a leap of my own. When it slipped behind me, I would twirl and try to catch it by surprise.
Warmth in my chest blooms as each of my steps bring me closer to catching the light. My body grows lighter and the aches fade into memory. “Ha,” I cry out in joy, as I leap once more, and catch the small flame. It doesn’t try to escape. The fire doesn’t die in my hands. I only feel restoring warmth was over me. This…this is much better than falling down surprise sinkholes. Opening my palms, the little flame nestles itself between them.
Are you not afraid?
Words pierced my mind, and yet I knew that it was the flame speaking to me. “After that little routine, nah.”
Its flame flickers at my answer. Isn’t that a bit Naive?
Shrugging my shoulders, “Maybe, but I’m really curious about,” and I swirl my head around the room only now noticing the mosaic that wraps the room within the monolith.
It would be safer to remain ignorant. The flame shrinks and it’s light dims at its own words. Knowing will only bring you suffering and sorrow. Do you still want to know?
I gaze at the fire lit in my hand, losing focus of everything around me but that burning ember. How badly do I want to know. At my hesitation, I can feel the flame in my hands shrink even more, the flames losing more of its light. Really Bad. “I doubt that is all I would experience, right?”
There would be more but—
“Then I want to know.” The little flame flares to life and almost seems to be looking at me with intent.
Are you sure? I won’t hold back.
I give the light my biggest smile, “don’t.” As soon as the words leave my lips, pain slices through my palms.
Authors Notes
Hello Adventurer,
If you have made it this far, then I hope that you have enjoyed what you have just read. As stated in the title, this is a draft of the first chapter to one of the novels that I am working on. This is also the third time that I have written this chapter, simply because the first two times I didn’t think were good enough. This was also the version of the draft that I had submitted to Forest & Fawns: Manuscript Writing Challenge. If you have been following the posts that I have been writing, you would then know that this is the first contest that I have actually submitted something to.
I thought about attaching the full letter of feedback to this page, but I realized that I had covered all of the major points made by the judges in today’s(2/17/26) post. So if you want to read my comments about their feedback, then you can find that under my Recent Adventures Page, or on the Home Page. If you are one of the judges who read my story and just happened to stumble upon this page, thank you for reading my story and I really appreciated the feedback. If anything, it helped me think of a better direction for the story and provided me with a better direction for some of the plot points that occur later on in the story.
So that’s all that I really have to say as of right now. Again, thank you for everyone that has taken the time to read this draft of mine. I appreciate all of you guys, have a blessed day.
Forest & Fawn: Manuscript Challenge Submission Date – December 2nd, 2025
A.G. Flowers 